not crying

the hardest part is not crying. not crying. not crying. not crying. not crying.
because if she sees these tears she will become scared that its the end.
making her more aware that something is wrong.

so im fighting back these tears, and im not crying. not crying. not crying. not crying. not crying.

Sometimes the best way to improve your productivity is to work less. It certainly makes you a better person. So join a hiking club, or a church activity, or volunteer for a charity. It will expand your mind, introduce you to new people and probably make you happier.

http://www.ir.bbn.com/~craig/things-i-wish.html

when somebody beats you to an idea

i had an image of the best way to organize myself. well actually i had multiple images... a thick big black book (but i would ocassionally forget it), a variety of different sites (blogspot, facebook, photobucket, twitter etc) some i used more than others, and some i couldn't stand....

i just needed to find something that let me do everything!
keep tabs of things i liked, articles i had found, pictures i really liked. it would help because i have a million and one post its on my desk, of urls, i want to take a better look at it whatever.
well then i heard of tumblr.

oh wow i just read what i read, sounds like an ad for something...yikes

well anyways...im thinking about trying out this site, and figuring out what i can create with it...and how useful it would be.

but the real root of my problem, is my information overload and disorganization.
i haveover 3000+ pictures that need to be organized, backed up and in folders

(ahh i have class...to be finished later)

if life is too short to spend weeks, months and years in bad relationships, sucky jobs, or committed to things you really don't find worthwhile. then in that same sense life should be too short to allow for bitterness.

we believe when people must go they go, and in your case its for such a good cause and we all admire you so much, we just want the best for you prima <3>

text messages

so you ask me whether i'm still mad. what kind of fucking question is that?
Being mad would mean admitting that in some or another you have dissapointed me.

that in some way or another you have meant more to me than you imagine.
that some how you have hurt me.
that i've built up a notion of what our togetherness would mean.

i plead the fifth to all of the above. i'm not angry, i am just over it.
i can't keep thinking that these small steps forward we make compensate for the way
we truly remain in a stationary position.

i dont think we need to have any conversation because everything has been said that was needed to determine an 'us'.

which is something that is fragmented and only exists in theory. i keep playing this stupid game with you. in which we both push and pull each other away.


and i'm tired. what you offer me are fragments and i am not a fragment of a woman, therefore i dont need it. i dont necessarily want to settle down, but why waste time?

i have found that you are not entirely a lover and not yet quite a friend. your kisses are the sweetest thing, but they are poison to me. i resolve to do away from something deceitful. your touch although comforting only pacifies me...

i resolve to do away with these temptations.
because this is obvious and it was expected. i'd already been warned but choose to not heed any advice. but i'm tired and i just want to be able to look at you and see you for who you are.

and you've been clear about your inability to commit. so let me be clear about who i am...i am dahiana and i have learned enough to know that this isnt for me.

your offer me parts and pieces of what i seek, and as long as i settle for that, i will never find it in its entirety.

i would do better to focus on what is attainable at the moment, and keep myself focused on my north point.

no hard feelings and im sure you understand where im coming from. were adults and im sure we know how to maintain amicable relationships, good night!

to be finished

I'm just a girl who has lost her footing in this world
I'm slipping and tumbling to a finish line
I keep losing sight of
and it's not the graceful finish I'm expecting
because somehow
I'm running out a breath
my muscles are cramping
I can't stand on my toes
and I'm keeping a horrible form
forgetting everything i have learned
and remembering everything i should have forgot