our dating ghosts

Where do we draw the line? Is the question that at this time of night is keeping me up...What is and is not acceptable in terms of relationships with our exes especially when we are dating someone else? Where does the line get drawn in between people who ended up as simply great friends, who shared a common past together, and people who still have lingering emotions with each other, and because of distance cant simply be together? If that line does exists what occurs when that line gets crossed?

After having witnessed a call that lasted 10 or 15 minutes, i am upset and don't have a single clue on how to react. While we cuddled, a call rings and it is the ghost of perhaps a woman i will never live up to. Someone you have dated for longer and known for a much longer amount of time. Amazingly you answer the call, so the call ranges in topics. At one point she says "hello" to me, but then proceeds to have you try to guess the color of her underwear??!!! Talks of her missing you come up, and you don't at all try to hide what she is telling you? She mentions wearing a skirt, and goes on to say that she is sorry for me, because aparently i am dating an asshole. which i have felt to be true right at this moment, because my sitting there talking to her about whether or not you are an asshole, guessing the color of her underwear, you become that asshole. Ignoring the girl that you have sitting next to you, who could be doing other things but instead is with you...

So those ten minutes or so bother me enough that i don't want to crawl in bed with you, and sleep in your arms like i usually do. For hours i lay awake, thinking where is that line that you have just crossed. Although i don't exactly know where it exists, i have felt the anger and the annoyance i have felt at the moment that you crossed. It is perfectly fine to still be friends with your exes. But in all honesty i feel that sometimes, i am dating you here and now, but at times you are dating the ghost of someone who is not here.

I don't mind you being friends with her at all. What i do mind is you picking her calls, over hanging out with me. What i mind the most is the things you talk about, wouldn't you have the decency not to try to guess the color of her underwear in front of me!!!! I don't care whether it was serious or not, i feel disrespected that you would try to guess the color of any female around me!!! So although we are extremely comfortable around each other, i don't have a single clue on how to tell you that i have always felt that your ex girlfriends were in the past for a reason, but as of late i have felt they are not, especially not her...I understand that she was here before me, that you loved her and all this, but please this is ridiculous.

I am fed up with you mentioning her all the time, it makes me feel as if you haven't gotten over her yet. And dating someone you isn't over their ex, is not something that pleases me even at the thought of it. I would rather not now that she would like to have one more night with you before we leave, that she misses you, and all these other sorts of things.


I understand that i have an unclear relationship with my ex boyfriend, who i have known since the tender age of 12, and who was my first love, but now i am left to wonder have i done those same things to you? Have i set this pattern where we are comfortable, or you believe that we are comfortable talking about our exes in such a manner. Maybe i have, but i have certainly not set the pattern for us talking to each other while having conversations with distant ghosts that once loved us.

Ultimately i think that speaking to our exes is acceptable, mentioning them once in a while is. But attempting to guess the color of their underwear IS NOT.... In my opinion we should closely watch what we do or say about our exes in front of who we are dating. Not because we should attempt to hide what our current relationship is but rather because there is a thin line, between what is appropiate and what is not. A thin line in between what i could stand and i what i can't stand. I usually am not bothered by much, but i felt disrespected tonight, and that is not something i can compromise for 10 or 15 minutes at all.