Forgiveness

you would think
that as you grow
you would learn
to just shake things off
and let them go
just to let the rain fall
because the sun would shine tomorrow
brighter and things would just go away
sadly you're mistaken
not even as coffins
are lowered into the freshly cut earth
six feet deep
could i forgive you
they say
that we pray
"father forgive us
our trespasses as we forgive those you trespass against us"
then may God never forgive me
because if i forgive you
i would be admitting
i can't carry such a hatred in me
i can't carry my baggage
as far as i want to
which isn't true at all
i can live with this hate
because you can live with what you did to me right?
but if i forgive you
who would forgive
the deep lines on my face
under my eyes
who cried at night
in the anger and pain
you brought onto me
and if i forgive you
it would be saying that you
you didn't hurt me at all
which is the farthest thing
from the earth
so o can't bring myself to say it
i...
i.... don't forgive you


[written during a very angry time, may 3rd 2007]